When your child can't get started
Reviewed
The homework is on the table, but your child has not started. Repeating “get on with it” tells them the task still needs doing; it may not tell either of you what is making the start difficult.
Check what starting actually requires
Beginning a task can involve shifting attention, understanding instructions, organising materials and knowing what “finished” looks like. The task may also be too difficult, uncomfortable or worrying. A pause does not tell you whether your child cannot start, needs help, needs rest or disagrees with the task.
Offer a clearer first step
Ask or observe where it gets stuck
Is the instruction unclear? Is writing uncomfortable? Are they still recovering from school? Offer an accessible way to answer. If the work itself is beyond their current skill, a smaller instruction alone will not solve that.
Show one manageable action
Instead of “do your homework”, try “open the book to this page” or demonstrate the first example together. Choose a real first step, not a hidden demand to finish everything once they have begun.
Make help available
Ask whether they want you beside them, a worked example or a little space. Stay as long as useful and agree when to check back. There is no required two-minute limit, and completing a first step does not guarantee the rest will become easy.
Clarify the stopping point
Show the amount of work or the next review point. Include a way to ask for help or a break. Reduce or postpone non-essential work when your child is unwell or overwhelmed, and discuss recurring difficulty with the teacher.
A useful question for school
“Which part can they do independently, and where is support needed?” Compare the first instruction, materials and time available in each setting. Ask whether the same learning goal can be reached with less copying, a different response method or adjusted workload.
Try, notice and adjust
Choose one recurring task. Note what support you offered, whether your child understood the first step and what happened next. Review the workload as well as the routine. Success might be a clearer request for help or discovering that the task needs adapting.
When to seek more support
Persistent difficulty across daily activities, significant anxiety, pain or a loss of established skills deserves discussion with the school and an appropriate professional. Seek assessment of the underlying concern rather than assuming every delayed start is an executive-function problem.
Sources and further reading
- NICE: supporting autistic children and young people
- National Autistic Society: autism and communication
These sources inform the general guidance. The everyday examples are suggestions to adapt to your child, not an individual assessment or treatment plan.