When your child doesn't tell you what they need
Reviewed
Your child brings you a cup, takes your hand or turns away from the table. You know something matters, but you may not know what. Understanding starts with noticing what happened and giving your child more than one way to respond.
Notice signals without assuming their meaning
Communication can include speech, gestures, writing, pictures and communication devices. A movement or change in behaviour may give you a clue, but it does not always carry a deliberate message or one fixed meaning. Covering ears could relate to sound, discomfort or something else. Treat your interpretation as a possibility to check.
Make the conversation more accessible
Describe what you notice
Try “You moved away from the table” rather than “You are angry.” Pause and watch the response. You do not need to narrate every action, especially if your child finds extra talking difficult.
Offer a usable way to answer
If it suits your child, show two objects or pictures, offer writing or keep their communication device within reach. Include a way to say “neither”, “stop” or “something else”. Do not require spoken words before responding to a clear request.
Give time and reduce pressure
Use a short message and allow processing time before adding another question. In distress, quiet company may be easier than a conversation. Speech being available earlier does not guarantee it is easy to use now.
Build on everyday moments
When your child shows you something, respond to their interest. Model useful words or symbols without requiring imitation. Share successful communication methods with other familiar adults so your child does not have to start from scratch with each person.
Where AAC fits
Augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) includes methods that support or replace speech, from gestures and picture boards to devices. A speech and language therapist can help identify suitable options and teach communication partners how to use them. AAC can sit alongside speech; it is not something a child must earn.
Try, notice and adjust
For a simple way to record one recent moment, use the free two-page Big Reactions Quick Check. Reflect after the moment has passed, when everyone feels safe enough.
Record one useful interaction a day: what your child did, your interpretation, your response and what happened next. Look for clues without treating the diary as proof. If your response did not fit, try to offer another way for your child to clarify.
When to seek more support
Seek a speech and language assessment if your child has limited ways to express needs or you are concerned about understanding or communication. A new loss of previously established language or other skills needs prompt discussion with a doctor; do not dismiss it as an ordinary difficult day.
Sources and further reading
- National Autistic Society: autism and communication
- ASHA public guidance: augmentative and alternative communication
- ASHA: autism, language and communication
These sources inform the general guidance. The everyday examples are suggestions to adapt to your child, not an individual assessment or treatment plan.